Directed by: John Moore
Rating: ½
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| Jack and John work together to save the day... or something like that |
Oh Bruce. You’ve made some terrible mistakes throughout your career, but A Good Day to Die Hard has to be one of the worst.
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| You've got nothing to smile about, Brucie. |
Everyone was on your side because they wanted it to be good. Everyone wanted to see cheeky chappie John McClane back on their screens. At the very least, we wanted to see some good gun fights, car chases and explosions. But instead what we got is a self-mocking spoof of the entire Die Hard series, except no one is laughing.
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| No one is happy about this atrocity, Bruce. No one. |
The ‘plot’ of A Good Day to Die Hard is all about some Russian man (Koch) who some other Russian man is trying to kill for some reason, and John McClane (Willis) gets involved because his son Jack (Courtney) just to happens to be in Russia because he’s CIA or something. Granted: this is an action movie and a brilliantly inspired plot isn’t particularly essential to it, but it would have been nice for someone to have at least bothered to try to write an actual storyline: one that the audience could actually follow, no matter how specious it is. And boy does this plot get stupid. It has ‘twists’ and ‘turns’ that make no logical sense, and a ridiculous, ludicrous ending that makes G.I. Joe look like a work of art.
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| Jack and John protect Komarov... I think... |
But it isn’t even the terrible plot or the awful acting or the fact that everyone on screen looks like they can’t even be bothered to care about the fact that they are in a Die Hard movie. It’s the fact that the directing is just so hideous. Moore is notorious for being a terrible director and producing awful films, but I find it astounding that at no point did anyone say to him: “Hey: it might not be a good idea to film the car chases and gun fights in close up”. Because that’s exactly what he does. And because of this, it is hard to know what the hell is going on in space and time. I genuinely didn’t know what car John was in, where he was driving to or who he was chasing.
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| Like father like son? Not at all... |
It also doesn’t help that the handheld camera work spasms and judders uncontrollably, making it hard to see anything within a single frame; and this is made worse by every shot being stuffed up Bruce Willis’ nose throughout every single action scene. There is also a moment when you don’t know which character is doing what because their actions are filmed in close up; and the gun fights and slow motion action shots also look dreadful. Moore should not be allowed to direct ever again.
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| This moment is in the film for absolutely no reason at all. |
The other really awful thing about A Good Day to Die Hard is the script. It’s really painful to listen to. Putting the murky and illogical plot to one side, the cheesy lines and appalling dialogue is not what you expect from a good Die Hard movie (remember Die Hard With A Vengeance?). The ‘father-son’ dynamic fails spectacularly; mainly because Jack is a pumped up and invincible Action Man who the director seems to have a hard-on for, and also because there is zero chemistry between Willis and Courtney. It also doesn’t help that the entire film seems to be setting up a sequel for a Die Hard movie without John, as Jack gets most of the best bits and almost becomes the main character at several crucial points.
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| Watch your back, John: your son Jack is being primed to take over in the sequel... |
Putting aside the copious amounts of continuity problems, the awful storyline, the abysmal attempts at having a ‘villain’ and the fact that no one knows what the hell is going on, there are some moments in A Good Day to Die Hard that are almost good. Almost. There is one action sequence at the end that I thought was half-way decent, but this, and the entire movie, is ruined by the horrible, horrific and upsettingly stupid spoof ending which tries and fails to mimic the ending of the first Die Hard movie. Who the hell thought it would be clever or funny to recreate the iconic falling slow-motion scene? It’s a terribly executed idea that is it’s cringe-worthy and tacky. It’s also murder. Jack might be a CIA agent, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t mean he can go around hurling people to their death off of rooftops in Russia.
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| You think you're above the law, don't you Jack? |
I think it’s also important that I mention how stupid the characters in this film are. Would anyone in their right mind fly their own helicopter into a building as ‘revenge’? I don’t think that a real ‘bad guy’ would kill themselves on the off chance that they might also happen to kill the two invincible leads. It was moments like this that made my jaw drop in disbelief. How could anyone write something so terrible, and how could anyone take it seriously and put it into an actual film? I literally sat in a stunned silence when the credits rolled. I didn’t know what to think. I just couldn’t quite believe that someone could intentionally ruin the Die Hard film series.
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| They'll (probably) be back for more carnage... |
What else can I say about A Good Day to Die Hard, except that I’m bitterly disappointed? The plot makes no sense. The characters are terrible. Good moments are ruined by awful directing. I failed to get the point of the movie: why was it made? I know that Hollywood is trying it’s hardest to make money, but seriously how hard can it be to hire a scriptwriter who can write and a director who can direct? Just like the movie itself, it doesn’t make any sense to me. Hollywood is destroying itself by making slop like this, and they should be ashamed.
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